To which John Dingley replied with this gem:
Ah Angry Grammy, this brings a tear to my eyes. A subject so close to my heart. First with the standing versus sitting issue. I no longer urinate in urinals, because I have noticed the spray. When you're using them it sprays right onto your pants, and I'm not a big fan of pee pants. So don't use urinals, ever! Now if I sat to urinate, wouldn't the spray just hit the back of my thighs and buttocks?? Answer yes, so here's what I do. Urinate from as far away from the toilet as you can with no compromising accuracy. Then, as soon as your stream is done, you RUN as fast as possible out of the bathroom, but not before switching on fan on to suck out the vapors. But you want to be sure to RUN to the closest sink, not in the vapor fall out area and wash up.
Finally let's talk about Fex (my new word for poo). Of course if you got fex on your hand, you wouldn't clean it off with a dry paper towel, would you? Answer, hell no! Lots of companies make what is basically a "wet nap" for toilet paper. I suggest you look into it, nobody wants excess Fex around. I'm sure there are some of you out there thinking that's going to cost me extra $, we're in a recession, blah blah blah. Well, you're god damn right it will! If you can't drop a couple extra bucks a month to keep the Fex away from your exit only area, then don't sit or
stand next to me.
Questions? Concerns? Comments?
Fex residue ruins millions on lives every year, don't be another statistic.
Finally a name for it that can be shared in mixed company!
But Big Mama chipped in another suggestion:
I think a revolution should be started on men sitting down to urinate. Thismight be a novel idea to some, but I think it is practical, efficient, and hygieinic.
I wonder how or why the men standing up to spray ever started. Let's face it: their aim in not that good, and more importantly, they don't give a damn! As most of the time, they are not cleaning up after themselves.
I like John Dingley's new word for poop--fex. I tried a few of the remaining vowels for urine--and am left with "fox" as the other vowels might lead to more confusion--fix, fax and the worst-- fux . Just an aside for Angry Grammarian--I know we learned our vowels as "a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes y" but fyx would sound the same as fix, leading to more confusion, as we would then have to spell it out for listeners to our important discussions on this subject.
So fex and fox are our excretory euphemisms.
I do recall reading in history books about the reason men joined the women in wearing high heels. They always carried lace hankies to dip in the running water in the streets to remove any fex from their pantaloons. That would be an important accessory for both men and women.
In re-reading John Dingley's essay, I noticed he capitalized Fex and so I will do likewise in the future--Fex and Fox.
I do not agree with his solution to avoid the spray, however. Extremely ineffectual!!
His concern that by sitting down, the appendage would then spray the thighs and buttocks is unwarranted. The appendage would be hanging down and not curving towards the thighs or buttocks, If it is so long, that it would curve, then gravity would be the prime force, thereby, having it be submerged, in which the cleansing of it in the water, would be accomplished, albeit it, water with some fox in it, and potentially, Fex. Then his recommendation to invest in some wet naps would be prudent to cleanse any remnants of Fex or Fox.
This has worn me out physically, mentally, emotionally and even spirtually, I am going to brew a third cup of tea here which will lead to more Foxing..
Dirty Old Town said:
I don't get how "fox" causes less confusion. "Fex" is the only one that
neither exists nor has a homonym.
Big Mama said:
You are so right, Dirty Old Town. Hmmmm, My brain is worn out. I think we need to come up with another euphemism for urine. Perhaps the collective brains out there, including yours, could come up with one????
Dirty Old Town said:
"Wex"?
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